Celebrating More Birthdays
Posted by Julie Pippert is a member of the American Cancer Society Blogger Advisory Council, creator of the blog Julie Pippert: Using My Words and contributor to Momocrats and Motherhood.com.
It was days, really, between learning my friend was being sent home, cancer treatment suspended, and learning she had passed away. Sadly, the first symptom came well after the cancer had already metastasized and spread. They began intensive treatment, aggressive. It was hard on her, but she had a lot to live for: loving family, loving friends, and two beautiful children, as well as all of her work, including a book she authored for children about children on the autism spectrum. That was her: a do-er.
She was the sort of person you could picture growing older, still doing. I could even picture her forty years from now blowing out a cake full of candles. In my imagination, over her cake, her hair was still bright, as it was before she got sick. She’d do that, I knew, keep herself looking nice. She’d have a big smile, and she’d tell everyone they shouldn’t have made such a fuss, but everyone would ignore her because they knew she was deeply touched — family and family times were everything. I wished that for her with all my heart.
When I got the message she was gone, I denied it. I didn’t believe it until I read her obituary in the paper. I left a comment on the online memorial. I spoke about what a fantastic person she was. I spoke about how heartbreaking a loss it was. I mentioned nothing of my anger.
The next day, I went for a run. My feet pounded the track in fury. The hot Texas summer sun pounded me back, just as brutal as my anger. I hate this, I thought, I hate this day. My children had been surly, uncooperative, and cranky. The day was intolerably hot and humid. The sun was relentless. I pulled myself along the straight stretch before a curve that took me along the water.
My iPod stumbled out of my pacing songs and Falling Slowly came on. I nearly clicked to the next song, but the lyrics caught and tugged at my grief. We’ve still got time…the song trilled. But my friend doesn’t, I thought, my friend hasn’t got more time. Why not? I knew how she’d feel about that, and that she’d be of two minds, and unapologetic. That’s how she was. She called it like it was. But she also called blessings for what they were too. I felt ashamed of my ingratitude: for having known her, for all the gifts I received from her, for the beautiful children she brought into the world and would not get to see grow up, for the fact that I had today, another day with my children even if they were cranky and I was grief-stricken and miserably hot.
I took the curve in the track a little slowly and I thought hard about her. She’d have loved this hot day. She’d have loved to be healthy and bickering with her children about getting ready for day camp. She would have loved having this day, I knew. And I wanted to give her to, a late or early birthday gift, depending upon how you looked at it.
Here it is, I thought with my mind and heart, here is this day, another day, one you would have liked, one that was hot, one that was about being a mom, one that was about making a healthy choice. I sent the experience of the day up and out, and away to her. And a little bit of grief fell away from my heart.
She may not have another birthday, but I do. She may not get to celebrate another birthday with her kids, but I can. And I can send the appreciation and joy from that to her.
My friend, and all the other friends, mothers, sisters, daughters, brothers, fathers, husbands, wives – all the other people who have gone, or are still here fighting, or stand beside someone fighting cancer – are why I joined the American Cancer Society’s More Birthdays effort. I can take a page from my friend’s book and be a do-er. I can celebrate and recognize that every birthday is a blessing.
Join the American Cancer Society in the effort to celebrate More Birthdays. All you need to do is dedicate a blog post to someone you love who has been affected by cancer and celebrate their lives.
You can check out other posts on the American Cancer Society’s Birthday Blog for inspiration, but know that whatever you write, you’re raising awareness and inspiring others to join ACS in the fight against cancer.
It would also help if you could host the badge on your blog (or Facebook page, or
MySpace Page) to encourage others to join.
Happy Birthday.
This weekend, my 12-year old daughter and her friends are hosting a surprise birthday sleepover for one of their friends whose mother lost her very short battle with lung cancer this past July. Each year, her Mom would have a huge sleepover birthday party for her which all the girls looked forward to. This will be the first birthday she will have without her Mom and it will probably be difficult for her and her Dad and brothers.
